This Life of Yours
by jstbecause
Summary: AU, Castiel is just a single father with a complicated life. And a crush on his neighbor, Dean. Warnings: references to prostitution.
1. Chapter 1

Castiel is tired.

Maybe exhausted is a better word for it, he doesn't really know. All he's certain of is the comfy bed waiting for him at home, readily pliant to his jaded will, and one of Castiel's favorite people waiting at home as well. A lazy smile washes over his face at the thought. He stands at the elevator doors, duffle bag in hand, and nudges the button. On any given day, Castiel would climb the stairs, since he only lives on the fifth floor, but tonight he isn't going to. Because tonight, he is too sore and too deflated to even try. As the minutes drag on, Castiel loses patience with the elevator's inability to arrive quickly.

"Come on you piece of crap. Hurry up." Castiel says weakly and jabs his finger into the signal button a few more times.

"Ahem." comes a woman's voice.

Castiel turns to find a small elderly woman looking up at him judgmentally.

Mrs. Thomas. _Perfect. _

If there was any reason for Castiel to become more agitated, Mrs. Thomas would be it. She has this problem, namely with Castiel. She hates him in fact, or rather what he does for a living. Either way, he would be lying if he said the feeling wasn't mutual. If this was an ordinary day, Castiel would go out of his way to be as polite to Mrs. Thomas as possible and "smother her with kindness" as the saying goes. But this isn't any other day. Castiel's too far gone to give a crap about Mrs. Thomas' repugnance.

"Good evening Castiel," She joins him at the elevator doors and gives him a brief but judgmental once-over. "Long night?" she adds suggestively.

Castiel decides to bite his tongue and flashes her a very forced, dramatic smile instead. He's happy that the elevator doors picked that moment to open before he has a chance to say something he'll regret later. Something along the lines of "screw you."

"Ladies first." he says bitterly and motions toward the inside of the elevator. Mrs. Thomas shuffles through the doors irritatingly slowly and Castiel has to resist the urge to roll his eyes behind her.

Once they are both in and the doors close behind them, Castiel presses the fifth floor button and assumes a position farthest from the woman. He lets his head rest slightly on the wall behind him, letting his mind drift to the sound of crappy elevator music as the duffle bag grows heavier in his hand. The ride is short and filled with contempt but Castiel prefers the silence to an artificial conversation neither party truly want to engage in.

"Goodnight Castiel. I'd tell you to stay out of trouble but I do realize that's quite impossible in your…profession." She bites out the words condescendingly as they both exit the elevator.

_Bitch._

Castiel tries to shake off her comment, but it hits too deep and he can't help becoming upset. He wonders how Mrs. Thomas would treat him if she didn't know the truth. Maybe if Gabriel hadn't picked the hallway to openly scold Castiel about his job, Mrs. Thomas would be none the wiser. She wouldn't judge Castiel based upon the fact that he's a prostitute. She'd be a sweet old lady that judged him solely on the type of man he was and not what he had to do behind closed doors to make it by.

Besides, it wasn't as though Castiel _chose _this "profession" for kicks. It was his last resort in a difficult situation and it isn't people's place to judge him on the matter.

Castiel lets out a frustrated sigh as he hauls himself through the threshold of his apartment door. He's greeted with the smells of things and sounds he can't quite describe that admittedly calm him, and he knows he's home.

"Hello Dean." Castiel greets a sitting Dean as he places his duffle bag on the floor and keys on the table stand near the door.

"Hey Cas," Dean rises from his seat on the couch and stretches his arms overhead, exposing a small amount of his stomach. "What time is it?" He yawns while checking his wristwatch.

"Uhm little past nine. I'm sorry I know I said I'd be back a little sooner but my…appointment ran longer than expected. " Castiel winces. "He wasn't a problem was he?"

Dean shoots him a sleepy smile in response and retrieves his coat from the couch.

"It's no big deal," Dean treads lightly towards where Castiel is standing. "He's a good kid, he kept me entertained most of the time." He smiles fondly. "Night, Cas." Dean plants his hand on Castiel's shoulder giving him a firm grip and pat before reaching for the door handle.

"Wait," Castiel says as he pulls out a few bills out from his back pocket. He holds them out to Dean. "Here, for the trouble."

"Cas," He gently pushes Castiel's hand away. "It's fine, Elliot's a good kid, doesn't even cause any trouble. He's a lot like my nieces that way." Dean laughs lightly. "And it's not like I had to go out of my way to get here, I live down the hall." Dean reminds him with a smile.

Castiel insists Dean take the money anyway because it doesn't feel right. But Dean just gives him a warning look that sends butterflies to Castiel's stomach and a shy smile on his lips. And then he's gone.

When Castiel locks the door behind Dean, he leans against the door in defeat.

He wishes he had the confidence to talk to Dean. And not about Elliot. Or the weather. Or mindless chatter while they're getting mail. At this point in his life, Castiel doesn't care what people think about him or what he does. He doesn't need to waste his time pleading his case to anyone. But there's something about Dean; Castiel wants him to like him. He isn't sure how to even go about propositioning Dean. Could it really work out?

Dean Winchester, the guy who lives four doors down from Castiel. With the charismatic personality and infectious laugh. With the mesmerizing green eyes Castiel has to restrain himself from staring into during casual conversation. Dean, with the incredibly large younger brother who, despite his size, is charming and friendly. The man who loves spending time with his nieces and in retrospect, is amazingly good with Castiel's son. The guy that Castiel is intimidated by but drawn to all at the same time. Would he honestly be interested in Castiel, or would it be too much to accept what Castiel does for a living?

Castiel struggles with the decision to go after Dean and invite him to stay for a drink or just go crawl into bed.

He chooses the latter. He strolls towards his bedroom with heavy eyes as a yawn escapes him. When Castiel gets in sight of his bed, a smile effortlessly creeps on his face. A small body lays comfortably, slumbering with content. Usually, he doesn't sleep in Castiel's room, but on the occasion that he has a nightmare or Castiel is away from home too much, he'll have a clingy five year old joining him in his bed. With that thought, Castiel tries to ignore the pang of guilt in his chest when he realizes why Elliot is here tonight.

After hassling his way into his pajamas, Castiel gently slides in bed, careful not to wake the sleeping figure. And at last, there it is. The warmness of his blankets and softness of his bed working to welcome Castiel home. His head makes contact with the plush pillow and he sighs in gratification, involuntarily waking his son.

"Hi Daddy." Elliot says rubbing one eye.

"Hi baby," He smiles. "I didn't mean to wake you, I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

Elliot lifts the blankets off of his body and scoots closer to Castiel's welcoming physique.

"I'm glad you're home Daddy." He says as he rests under the weight of Castiel's left arm and closes his eyes. Castiel kisses his son's hair and snuggles him closer before drifting off to a well-deserved rest.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel woke to the sound of his alarm that buzzed urgently. He reaches over to his nightstand to turn off the source of the annoyance. His hand brushes over his face as he yawns. It's an early Saturday morning and Castiel is nowhere near prepared for the day to begin. He needs coffee. But before that can happen, Castiel walks to his son's bedroom to check that he's all right. He places a light kiss on Elliot's forehead, causing him to stir a little, before exiting the room quietly. Castiel trudges to the kitchen and starts the coffee maker.

When he pours himself a cup, he adds a touch of vanilla creamer, but not so much that it overwhelms the taste of the caffeine, exactly how he likes it. He idly stirs a spoon in his mug with one hand as he flips through the mail with the other. Most of it is a mixture of coupons and catalogues Castiel doesn't bother looking through. But a wave of relief washes over him when he notices the lack of envelopes from billing companies.

He leans into the kitchen counter and slowly brings the cup to his lips, blowing the liquid before taking a sip. The warmth trickles down his throat, calming yet readying Castiel for the day. It was so rare that he had moments like these lately. He can't remember the last morning he was in his own home sipping coffee at his leisure. Mornings are usually hard and a rush of routine events. There's no time for slow moments and calming cups of coffee.

Regrettably, Castiel scheduled too many clients in the past weeks. Less of his time was spent at home, with his son, and more time in strange beds and compromising positions. He grimaces at the thought. More often than not, Castiel would come home in the wee hours of the morning to an empty house because Elliot was staying at his brother, Gabriel's.

Gabriel had been a saint during all of this: picking Elliot up from school, helping him with homework, keeping him occupied until bedtime, ultimately sacrificing his free time to help Castiel out. Castiel had fallen behind in payments again. He didn't know how though, hadn't even noticed it until the money in his bank account started wearing thin. He had gotten too comfortable with just a few clients a week and that wasn't cutting it anymore.

In addition to this, Castiel feels guilty. Nothing was more important than making time for his son. So maybe that's why he didn't hesitate to cancel on both of his clients today. It's Saturday and he's spending it with Elliot. He hits "send" on the second text message and doesn't expect a response in return.

Castiel immediately feels relaxed and returns to Elliot's bedroom with peace of mind.

"Good morning." Castiel kneels near Elliot's bed and places a soothing hand on his back, keeping his voice low. "I don't have to work today." The boy's hazel eyes meet Castiel's blue ones almost immediately with a sleepy smile to match. His chestnut colored hair sticks out in different directions. "How do pancakes sound?"

They're in the kitchen making breakfast, wearing aprons that read "Chef Daddy" and "Chef Junior." Originally they were a novelty purchase, a random bargain really, but now Castiel and Elliot prefer cooking with them on.

Castiel pours some flour into a measuring cup and hands it to an eager Elliot who wastes no time dumping it into a bowl in front of him. Castiel adds a few more ingredients, making the contents of the bowl moist.

"Can I stir Daddy?" Elliot asks with beaming eyes. Castiel nods and hands him a stirring spoon two sizes too big for his small hands. They both smile.

Elliot grabs a hold of the spoon with both hands, struggling to keep the bowl in one place. Castiel holds the base of the bowl until the ingredients blend together, making it easier for Elliot to control.

"I wanna add blueberries," Elliot says while stirring.

"Of course." Castiel walks over to the fridge to get a plastic container of blueberries. He adds a handful to the batter while Elliot continues to stir.

Someone knocks at the door, making Castiel to question who it could be so early.

"Keep stirring," Castiel reminds him as he jogs lightly toward the front door to answer it.

Gabriel is standing on the other side of the door, wide smile plastered on his face and large box in hand.

"Morning bro. I come bearing gifts." Gabriel presses the box into Castiel's arms as he enters the door.

"Oof, Gabe." Castiel struggles steadying the box in his arms as he shuts the door. "What is this thing?" He asks, looking down at it inquisitively.

"Just a little something for my favorite nephew."

"Gabriel," He says warningly. "He has enough toys. You spoil him."

"Yeah, but that's my job."

Even with his inability to acknowledge some of Castiel's parenting preferences, Gabriel is quite simply the best uncle a kid could ask for.

Gabriel had been there from the get-go, of course. He was the only person Castiel could go to on that winter night when Elliot was born and he was suddenly thrust into parenthood. It was so cold that night, Castiel was worried about keeping Elliot warm. The weather had calmed, but inches of snow still remained that caused a marginally bumpy cab ride. Castiel was constantly checking that the tiny hat on Elliot's head covered his ears and head fully. Even with Castiel's qualms, Elliot didn't fuss, he was so solemn sleeping in Castiel's arms. Castiel couldn't stop staring. How could something so small be so captivating?

Castiel didn't plan on this happening. Both he and Elliot's mother agreed upon adoption. Albeit, giving your newborn baby up for adoption when you're in your twenties isn't common; but that was their choice. Neither one of them were ready to be a parent. They were careless and didn't live a lifestyle fit for a child. This pregnancy was just a result of a drunken night of sex. Everyone else grew up after high school, Castiel chose not to. He was irresponsible and didn't care to change that.

And then there he was, holding this impossibly small thing, all because he was too irresponsible to remember to sign the adoption papers. Castiel just had to sign his name on the dotted line, handing over all his rights. But he hadn't gotten around to doing that, and he didn't know why.

Somehow, after just moments of holding his son, although he was advised not to, Castiel decided he wasn't going to sign the papers at all. Elliot settled into his arms so easily, cooing quietly, fascinating Castiel with his every movement. He looked up at Castiel with hooded hazel eyes that resembled his mother's in so many ways and Castiel caressed his little head tenderly. His hair brushed against Castiel's hands and Castiel wondered if he'd ever felt something so soft before. Castiel was feeling something he never thought he'd feel, something he had cut all ties with the moment adoption was settled on. He was feeling the love for this child. _His _child.

Castiel wanted Elliot's mother to change her mind like he did. They wouldn't be a couple but maybe they could still raise their child together. He told her that if she'd just hold him that she'd reconsider everything. She reminded Castiel that Elliot's "real" parents were on a plane to Lawrence at that moment, and if Castiel didn't sign the papers he was selfish. Castiel still pressed on the issue of her holding him, but she wouldn't even look at the baby.

"_I don't want to be his mother Cas," _she said. _"I made my choice and I guess this is yours." _

She wanted nothing to do with either of them. And with that, Castiel was a single parent.

Castiel showed up on Gabriel's doorstep that brisk night, diaper bag in tow and a blue bundle in arms. Gabriel welcomed him with no hesitation.

The first three years of Elliot's life weren't easy, to say the very least. In spite of that, Gabriel was there emotionally, helping Castiel cope with fatherhood. He'd happily look after Elliot while Castiel was working as a server at the diner near his shabby apartment. And occasionally, much to Castiel's dismay, Gabriel was a financial crutch. He never enjoyed going to Gabriel for money, but Gabriel always came through, getting Castiel through the toughest times.

Living off of low paycheck and tips from a dead end job was frustrating. The grueling hours only added to his stress. But Gabriel only commended Castiel for being a good father who made an honest living.

Maybe that's why he was so disappointed when he learned that Castiel had started selling himself. Gabriel would never fully understand that this was something Castiel had to do, but he'd supported him nonetheless.

Elliot was lucky to have him for an uncle, and Castiel couldn't ask for a better big brother.

Gabriel scans the apartment. "Where is the little guy anyway?"

Castiel places the box on the floor with a grunt, "Elliot, your uncle is here."

The sound of little footsteps pattering across the hardwood floor grow progressively louder until Elliot emerges in front of them.

"Uncle Gabe!" Elliot charges toward Gabriel in his Spider-man pajamas and apron. He hugs his legs and then Gabriel kneels down to him, holding Elliot's small hands in his.

"Hey buddy, I got you a little something." Gabriel gestures towards the box on the floor.

"Thank you thank you thank you Uncle Gabe!" Elliot manages to say while jumping up and down around the box. Both Castiel's and Gabriel's laughter fall in line with Elliot's excitement. Maybe a little spoiling isn't always a bad thing.

After many hugs and "thank you"s, Elliot calms himself.

"Are you staying for breakfast?" Elliot asks with a head tilt.

"Absolutely!" Gabriel lifts his nephew in his arms and faces Castiel. "What's cookin' good lookin'?"

Castiel smiles and rolls his eyes. "Pancakes."

Gabriel stays for breakfast, but leaves a short time after to return to work. Castiel and Elliot spend the rest of the morning watching cartoons and playing games. Elliot talks to Castiel about school and all the friends he's made this year in kindergarten, and Castiel eases, knowing his son isn't an outsider. He explains to Castiel that he likes kindergarten a lot better than preschool because "they don't treat me like a baby," - his words, not Castiel's. However, he doesn't like his teacher.

Castiel laughs, "You don't like Miss Becky? I thought she was nice."

"No Daddy, she's icky." Elliot sticks his tongue out and scrunches up his nose. Castiel tries not to laugh at that, but he has to admit that Miss Becky is a lot to take in to say the least.

They talk more about a list of things. Elliot tells jokes that make Castiel genuinely laugh and it's the happiest Castiel's been all week. Sometimes he forgets how truly amazing his kid is.

Sometime during the afternoon Elliot asks if they can go to the zoo. Castiel is hesitant at first, but he takes one look at those big hazel eyes, beaming with excitement and hope, and that settles it.

The drive to the zoo is filled with sing-a-longs and laughter, following the trend of the day.

They see all the animals and attractions the zoo has to offer. As expected, Elliot has the most fun of the both of them. But Castiel is just as delighted to experience the zoo through his son's eyes. Elliot is fascinated by the creatures. He isn't shy about asking their guide as many questions that he can think of. He's eager to visit each exhibit, sometimes more than once, even when Castiel finds it hard to keep up with him at some points.

The wonders of a five year old, Castiel thinks.

"Daddy," Elliot says while looking up at the polar bear's glass exhibit. "I'm gonna be a zookeeper when I grow up."

By the end of the trip, Castiel's camera is filled with pictures of the both of them. Elliot has swapped out his plain blue t-shirt for one that reads "Kansas City Zoo" on the front of it. He's happy and so is Castiel.

The drive back to Lawrence seems longer what with the both of them spent from the day's events. Castiel pulls into the parking lot, finally in sight of his home, he feels at ease. He turns the ignition off and steps out of the car, approaching the backseat to retrieve his sleeping son. He struggles with the car seat before it eventually becomes undone.

"We're home buddy," Castiel whispers. Elliot makes a weak attempt to wake up and Castiel realizes he'll just have to carry him inside. He picks Elliot up and a grunt escapes him, he's gotten so big. Even so, Castiel happily carries his weight. He situates the small body in his arms, with Elliot's head on his shoulder, and legs loosely around his waist.

"Daddy?"

"I'm here," He says soothingly. "Go back to sleep we'll be upstairs in a bit."

"I had fun today," Elliot says sleepily. "You're a really good Daddy." He adds before sleep takes him over again. A smile graces Castiel's lips. Seriously, his cheeks hurt from smiling so much today.

All in all, today was a good day.

Castiel walks into the building, toward the elevator, waiting for the doors to open. The bell dings and Castiel spies a familiar face.

"So they _are _alive." Dean exits the elevator, white plastic bag in hand, and stands facing Castiel.

"Hello Dean." Castiel laughs pleasantly.

"Haven't seen you two in awhile and I must admit, I'm a little hurt," Dean brings his empty hand to his chest. "You use me for my amazing babysitting purposes and not even a phone call."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I've been really busy and-"

"Cas, I'm only joking." They both laugh, Castiel rather awkwardly.

"It's been a long day. My ability to detect sarcasm is very low," Castiel explains honestly.

"Yeah I can see that. Someone's all tuckered out." He gestures to a sleeping Elliot.

"Yes, trip to the zoo seems to have done the trick." Castiel shifts Elliot in his arms.

"Looks like."

Castiel nods struggling for a response, and he hates this. Castiel isn't a particularly shy person. He's not the most natural person when it comes to social interactions, but he's always been able to keep the integrity of who he really is. It's only around Dean that Castiel finds it hard to articulate his personality. This crush is beginning to become bothersome. Castiel feels like he's in grade school all over again. Finally, Dean breaks the silence.

"Well ok, I'm gonna go take this," Gestures to a trash bag. "Out. See you around Cas." Dean walks in the direction of the garbage chute.

"Dean wait," Castiel flusters. "We've lived in the same building for, what? Almost three years now?"

Dean looks curiously at him so Castiel continues to ramble. "So maybe we could hang out, perhaps grab a bite to eat or get a drink? I barely know you and I think I should, you know? I mean you look after my son almost on a regular basis and the kid loves you." He chuckles lightly. "And I want to love you too." Castiel's eyes go wide and he shifts nervously in his stance adjusting Elliot in his arms again, noticing that he feels heavier than before. "That came out terribly wrong. I just mean that-"

"Cas, I get what you mean," Dean laughs in good nature. "How's next Friday night for you? We could get some dinner and go from there."

"Uhm, Friday's great," Castiel answers on impulse.

"Okay. I'll see you." Dean shoots Castiel one more enticing smile.

Castiel smiles back and mutters a weak "okay." He enters the elevator feeling dazed. He pushes the elevator button and hums no song in particular.

Today was a _really _good day.

**End**

**A/N: **This took a lot longer than I originally planned but I really wanted to get the history straight. I added enough detail so that you can understand how Castiel got to where he is but not too much that all is revealed. I'm hoping that I did alright. Thank you to my amazing betas who really made the difference so thank you lots. Reviews are always welcomed, hope you enjoy! More to come.


	3. Chapter 3

When Castiel first got into the business, he hadn't always marketed men. Most of his clients had been female, in fact. The lot of them were independent women: some, housewives who weren't satisfied by their spouse, others were business women too busy to manage a relationship…either way, they all knew what they wanted from Castiel. If they wanted him for an hour, he knew how the night would play out. They wouldn't get lost in the haze of their lust and ask Castiel to engage in every fantasy fueled by their libido. It was simple interplay really and _good for them _Castiel thought. But this was just bad business for Castiel.

Castiel found that men were so much more unpredictable and effortlessly manipulated that he was able to stop taking female clients altogether. With the help of his boss (technically "Madame", but Castiel always hated the word) he booked male clients easily. Tessa was a genuinely nice woman that didn't take advantage of Castiel or any of her other employees and always made sure he was comfortable meeting the men that made appointments with him. She made his job easier, if that was even possible.

Clients would pick him based upon a picture from Tessa's portfolio, text Castiel, picking a time and place, and Tessa would confirm where he'd be. He had two cell phones of course. One for work that he kept hidden under lock and key in a drawer in his bedroom, and his personal one, used for friends and family.

In many instances, they would meet with Castiel feeling confident in themselves and what they wanted. They'd simply ask for Castiel to blow them. He'd reply with a cocky smirk and a simple "okay." But somehow it always escalated to more.

Maybe it was the way he'd keep eye contact with his customers while his lips were wrapped around their cock. Or maybe it was in the way he teasingly dragged his tongue from the base to the tip of the man's length, tempting them with every lick. Or, maybe it was in the way Castiel would let them fuck into his mouth when he could tell they were close. Even during oral sex, Castiel was safe though. The men would have to agree to wearing a condom, no questions asked. It wasn't much more complex than that.

The man above him lets out a ragged moan as his fingers tug on Castiel's hair. The man, "David," which probably isn't even his real name, ruts into Castiel's mouth forcefully, spewing profanities with every thrust. David seems like a first timer-the man is nervous, jittery even. He was nice during the initial meeting. He didn't know where to begin. It was almost cute. So Castiel rolls with it and thinks what the hell? Tonight won't be so bad and it isn't everyday that these men are polite. So here he is, on his knees in a rather expensive hotel room, as David is about to lose himself.

Castiel isn't surprised, to say the least, when David gives his hair one more tug and pulls his lips away from his hardened cock, the feeling of latex leaving Castiel's mouth.

"I..I want to fuck you."

"It'll cost more," Castiel says simply, wiping the corners of his mouth with his index and thumb finger. David doesn't look as though he's lost interest. "And kissing is extra," He adds instinctively.

David nods his head desperately as Castiel stands to his feet and begins undressing. He watches the man walk hurriedly to his pants to dig money out of his pocket, placing it on the dresser beside him.

Castiel smiles at him enticingly, but it's artificial and forced and in the back of his mind he hates himself for it. In all honesty, it's not his smile he's ashamed of. "How do you want me?"

"I want you on your back," David stammers out quickly. "I want to see your face."

Castiel nods understandingly and lays on his back. His eyes close and his thoughts start to wander. He feels the pressure of one slicked digit slip inside him, he sighs and puts the grin and bear it mindset into play.

xxx

Dean shoves through the contents of the closet furiously. He had no idea what to wear on his date with Castiel but he wanted it to be perfect. And whoa did he seriously just call this a date? He didn't know what to call it. When Castiel first asked him out, Dean was caught off guard. Of course he'd thought about Castiel in that way, how could he not? The guy was gorgeous.

Between his striking blue eyes and entrancing lips, Dean couldn't deny, he was an attractive guy. But he quickly pushed the idea from his mind soon after their first meeting. Castiel had never seemed interested, he was nice, but coy, and their talks usually drifted towards dead end topics. That was hopefully going to change later.

"Hey." Sam walks through the threshold of his bedroom door, beer in hand, and plops down on his bed. "Still trying to figure out what to wear for your date?"

"Shut up," Dean mutters. "Do you think I could go with this shirt and these jeans, or this suit with this button-down?" Dean held the clothing in his hands with uncertainty, looking for guidance from Sam.

"I don't know Dean. It depends. Are you planning on going all the way tonight?" Sam fails to hold back his laughter.

"Dammit Sammy. You're an ass. Why are you here?" Dean asks sharply, returning to his clothes.

"Because you have good beer." Sam raises the bottle in Dean's direction briefly and then swallows down a swig.

"Jess still buying that watered down crap?" Dean chuckles.

"Yeah." He smiles fondly and looks down at the bottle. "She says it's healthier."

"That's what you get for marrying a doctor," Dean says absently, rummaging through more clothes.

When Sam first went off to study law at Stanford, he made a lot of new friends, most of which Dean can't remember the names of. But there was one name that stood out prominently- Jessica Moore. Because Sam never stopped talking about her. With Sam away in California and Dean still residing in Kansas, the amount of time they saw each other was limited to holidays. But even on the nights both of them were busy with school, they made an appointment to catch up through numerous phone conversations.

"_Listen, I've got to go but I'll probably have time to talk tomorrow night. Same time?" Dean asked. _

"_Sorry I've got plans with Jess tomorrow night," Sam said swiveling idly in his desk chair. _

"_Oh it's _Jess _now? And what plans have you made with _Jess_? Romantic walks down the beach, huh? A kiss at sunset?" Dean said playfully, smiling into the phone. _

"_God Dean, how old are you? It's not even like that. I'm helping her study for exams. We're just friends, that's all." Sam argued._

"_You're right Sammy. We'll talk another time. Give your girlfriend a kiss for me," Dean said laughingly and he heard Sam groan before hanging up the phone. _

By Christmas break of Sam's second year, Sam showed up to their parents' house with more than gifts. He and his "just friend" were in a relationship and from what Dean could tell, it had been that way for quite sometime and it was serious.

Jessica was beautiful. She was intelligent and lively, a perfect fit for Sam. What Dean really took notice to was the way they looked at each other. As cheesy as it sounds, it was like no one else was around when they were together. _To be young and in love_, Dean thought.

Jessica got along with their mother smoothly. And his father had no complaints, which was a first. Dean got on with her just as well. She was quick-witted and could keep up with his and Sam's banter. Sammy did good.

That Christmas eve, a nineteen year old Sam pulled Dean aside, away from all the loud commotion that was Christmas and declared that Jessica Moore was the woman he was going to marry. At the time, Dean simply humored his younger brother with a simple smile and pat on the back. But a few years down the line, Dean was happily proved wrong as he was the best man in his little brother's wedding.

"_I'm glad you proved me wrong," Dean whispered to Sam at the wedding reception. _

Sam was in too much jubilee from the highs of his wedding day to question what Dean meant.

Now there they were still together, six years and two beautiful baby girls later, happily married.

"Jessica is cheating on me Dean," Sam says after much silence.

"Yeah right." Dean scoffs and focuses on his wardrobe without taking Sam's words to heart.

"I'm being serious." Sam sounds wrecked and this catches Dean's attention.

_Okay, so _not _so happily married._

Dean turns around and sees Sam sitting upright on the edge of the bed. He nurses the beer in his hand as he stares down at the carpeted floor like it's the most interesting thing around. Sam sits there slumped over, defeated and miserable. He looks so small. And in all his years, Dean would never think small was a word to describe his brother.

"Wow, uhm…I don't know what to say. Are you sure? How do you know?" Dean walks to his bed with his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah." Sam says breathlessly putting the bottle down as he paces around Dean's bedroom, folding his arms, almost mirroring Dean's physique. "I mean I'm at least half sure. We've been fighting so much, sometimes even in front of the twins. I can't do anything right. She seems so guarded lately, it's like we're a completely different couple. The other night when the girls stayed over here, I made dinner and I tried to make it a nice night in, you know?" He cards his fingers through his shaggy hair. "She didn't even seem a little interested."

"Well how does any of this mean she's cheating exactly? Relationships are hard, man. _Talk _to your wife." Dean advises.

"It's not just that. There's…_other _things too." Sam explains.

"What "other" things?"

"Sex things Dean! I mean we haven't had sex for..for a really long time."

"Come on, it can't be that ba-"

"Six months."

_Holy Crap_

"I read one of her emails too." Sam admits and Dean gives him a look. "I know it's bad because I completely invaded her privacy, but it was right there." He stops pacing. "I think she's seeing some guy. I don't know his real name but I'm pretty sure."

Sam sits down on the bed again, head resting in his hands. "God, Dean. What if she is? What if my marriage is really done for?"

"Sammy." Dean sighs. He sits on the bed next to Sam. "Your marriage isn't over. You said yourself, you're not even a hundred percent on this. That guy could just be," Dean gesticulates. "Some old friend she's keeping in touch with. Look, I'm not an expert on the topic or anything but I know one thing for sure, Jessica loves you." Dean assures him and Sam rolls his eyes and groans. "No, I mean it. You've been together for so long, you have two adorable girls together, do you think she would jeopardize all that?"

Sam exhales and looks away, still unconvinced. Dean pitied him. He was never the "tell you what you want to hear" kind of guy. He was actually pretty damn blunt when he had to be, honesty is key to him. Dean doesn't know why Jessica has been distant, he doesn't truly know if this asshole talking to her is just a friend. Dammit, he doesn't know if his little brother's marriage is ending, but in this instance he'll say anything he can to lift Sam up.

Dean hates feeding Sam lies, it had been that way ever since they were kids. But when your baby brother is on the brink of tears, worried the girl of his dreams is screwing him over, was there really any another alternative?

"You wanna crash here tonight?" Dean offers and Sam gives him a questioning look. "I'm gonna be out tonight anyway." He shrugs. "Why don't you stay here and clear your head, try to sort things out."

Sam nods. "Okay yeah you're right. Thanks, man."

"Now. You're gonna haul your big ass off my bed while I figure out what to wear for tonight." Dean rises from his seat with a grunt and Sam does the same with a sigh.

He returns to his wardrobe as Sam begins leave the room.

"And no crazy parties while I'm out!" Dean says loudly.

"No promises." Sam replies instantly and Dean smirks.

xxx

Castiel steps through the doorway of his apartment door. He reflexively looks around the room, noticing his absent brother and son.

"Gabe? Elliot?" Castiel shouts into the apartment as he shakes out of his coat. He searches through the apartment and finally finds the duo in the bathroom. Castiel rests his arms against his chest and leans against the threshold, watching as Gabriel and Elliot play with rubber toys in Elliot's bath.

"And what does the cow say?" Gabriel asks holding up one of Elliot's bath buddies.

"Moooo!" Elliot answers excitedly, his mouth forming into a small o. He picks up another toy, faces it in Gabriel's direction and giggles. "You need to learn too. What's the pig say Uncle Gabe?"

"That? Oh that's easy. Pigs go ruff ruff, right?"

Elliot giggles again. "No silly!"

"What? Are you sure?" Gabriel teases.

"No, they go oink oink." Elliot and Gabriel laugh correspondingly.

Castiel joins in on the laughter and reveals himself, both boys pause and turn to the doorway.

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hey Cassy."

"Oh don't mind me, carry on." Castiel says as he takes a seat on the toilet lid. He joins in on the fun and picks up a floating animal from the bath water. "What's this little guy say?"

"Quack, quack!" Gabriel and Elliot express together.

After bath time, Elliot wanted nothing more than for Castiel to read him his favorite story. Castiel happily obliged.

"Into the night of his very own room, where he found his supper waiting for him. And it was still hot." Castiel finishes the story and realizes Elliot has probably already been asleep for a little while. Castiel lay in his son's bed contentedly, resting his cheek on top of Elliot's head. His hand brushes over Elliot's tousled hair. He breathes in the scent of Elliot's no tears shampoo, placing a light kiss on the area.

Castiel raises his wrist to check the time on his watch. He's supposed to go out with Dean in about an hour. For most of the day he'd been able to calm his nerves, but as the event slowly approaches, they are taking him over; now he's anxious. In all honesty, Castiel still doesn't know what possessed him and gave him the courage to ask Dean out. It doesn't matter now of course. Date or not, he was going to spend time with Dean and if it didn't blossom into a relationship, he'd hopefully gain a friend. He'd hope that friendship would be just as adequate.

Eventually, Castiel slips away from Elliot's warmth carefully, tucking the covers in closer to him and replacing his body with the nearest stuffed animal.

"Sweet dreams." Castiel whispers.

After much deliberation and thought, Castiel decides to wear a pair of classically black slacks, with a black and white plaid button down, cuffed at his forearms and tucked in his pants, and a plain black skinny tie. He feels good.

"How do I look?" Castiel asks presenting himself to Gabriel's sitting form on the sofa.

Gabriel turns his attention from the television and looks Castiel over. His lips fall into a frown and he quirks an eyebrow.

"Not bad. You could save time and just go naked. Save some energy for later tonight." Gabriel says plainly.

"I don't understand why I even bother with you." He shakes his head. "But thanks for the advice." Castiel says sarcastically as he grabs his jacket, checking it has everything he needs. "I'll be back later on."

"Have a good time on your date," Gabriel says. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Gabriel singsongs.

Castiel exits his apartment and makes the short walk to Dean's. He smoothes out his coat and fixes his tie, ensuring that it's straight. He approaches the door and his knuckles give it a firm knock.

Dean emerges in a navy blue suit and white collared shirt. A simple outfit really, but Dean manages to make it look sexy. He holds back from the urge to just lean in and kiss him as his lips shape up into a smile at the sight of Castiel. "Hey Cas."

xxx

Castiel isn't nervous anymore, quite the contrary actually. The drive is benign as both men talk casually. Castiel tells Dean what his day has been like, granted, he leaves out some important details. When Dean apologizes for the restaurant being fairly far, Castiel informs him that he's always been fond of long drives because they remind him of being a child, so it's no issue. He shifts the chat towards Dean and learns of Dean's love for classic rock and his 1967 Chevy Impala. Dean's sentimental about them because when he was younger, he and his father bonded over the two.

They arrive at the restaurant and are greeted by the hostess without delay.

"Good evening, how may I assist you?" The hostess smiles.

"Hi, we have reservations. Winchester, party of 2." Dean says charmingly.

The hostess is young, probably in her early twenties. Her hair is tidily pulled back, showcasing her silver stud earrings. And her white collared shirt is buttoned to her neckline. She flips through a leather bound folder searching for the reservation.

"Ah, yes Mr. Winchester. Your table is ready now, right this way." She grabs two menus and guides the two men behind her. Castiel walks ahead of Dean, feeling the ghostlike pressure of Dean's hand looming near his lower back and he can't help smiling.

They're seated comfortably across the cherry wood table from each other in the leather-lined booth.

"Your server will be with you shortly." She places the two menus in front of them and loosely folds her hands together when they're empty. "Enjoy your evening." She smiles once more before walking off.

A short while later, they're ordering their meals and beverages. They both agree upon beer but Dean prefers ordering the steak to Castiel's Shrimp Scampi. As they wait for the meals, they engage in more conversation.

"So did you grow up here?" Castiel asks, taking a drink from his glass of water.

"Yeah, Lawrence born and raised. My family has lived in the same house all my life. My parents still do actually," Dean says.

"Wow, the same house your whole life? What was that like?"

"I don't know. It's the one place I know so it's home to me." Dean chuckles. "Why? What about you?"

"I'm like you in the sense that I was born here. But we never settled in one particular house until I was about ten." Castiel explains. "We moved around Kansas a lot. Most kids would be upset about moving around but I liked it." Castiel admits and Dean nods responsively. "And your job, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a counselor. I help kids, talk them through what I can. Those teenage years are tough, they can make or break you in some cases." Dean clarifies.

Castiel could definitely understand that. Most of his adolescence was spent reinventing himself but making poor choices in the process. He could've used someone in Dean's profession to guide him down the right path.

"Kind of like a therapist then?"

"Sort of. I mean I listen to their problems and give them advice. But I help them in other ways, school, family stuff like that. Really, I'm just trying to help them along in finding out who they are. Who they're going to be. It feels good to help in some way."

"Wow, that's amazing Dean." Castiel commends him and sees Dean shy away from the comment. "No I mean it. What you do is really great. You're helping young people. Hell, you're ultimately changing these kids lives and that's...amazing." Castiel laughs when he can't find any other way to describe it. "What made you choose that career?"

Dean leans forward into the table a bit, looking at Castiel and then glances away.

"When I was high school I was on my own for the most part. I had made friends but honestly? They were just people I kept around to keep up an image. I was good at fooling everyone, no one knew how much I was suffering. Just making it through the one day was hell. I didn't have anyone to talk to, I mean I had my brother but he was too far behind me to even grasp what I was going through. And when you're seventeen your parents are the last people you want to talk to." Dean chuckles lightly and Castiel nods with a smile in response.

"When I realized I was gay I was so scared. I mean after all those years of uncertainty, finally knowing the truth was more of a burden than not being sure." He toys with his cloth napkin on the table nervously. "I tried to kill myself. I found a bottle of pills and...downed them" He confesses. "Looking back, I guess I didn't really want to die. I only wanted the pain and frustration to end." Dean sighs. "So yeah. I give support to kids who are in the same position I was and some that aren't. I just don't want anyone feeling as lost and hopeless as I did."

"Wow." Is the only syllable Castiel can manage. He remembers feeling that way in high school, as if suicide was the only way to escape the uphill battles of life. He'd never gotten as far as Dean had though. No one deserves to feel that low, but sometimes the feeling is like an inescapable plague.

Castiel offers Dean a sympathetic smile. "Yeah." Dean mumbles and as his words die down, an awkward silence descends over the pair.

"Wow, I totally killed the mood right?" They both laugh and release the tension just as their meals arrive.

"So what about you? I've been a Chatty Cathy all evening. Tell me about you." Dean says before taking a bite of food.

"Not much to tell really. Born in Lawrence, raised in various parts of Kansas. One older brother, and of course you know my son Elliot."

"Yeah, great kid." Dean smiles. "What do you do for work?"

Castiel chokes on his food, fork landing on his plate noisily. "I'm sorry?" He asks as he clears his throat.

"I said what do you do for a living?" Dean repeats. "Are you alright?" He asks worriedly.

"Oh no I'm fine." Castiel says and he feels so foolish. He knew the topic would come up eventually but he hadn't expected to be asked so abruptly. He takes a moment, with Dean's curious eyes on him and says, "I'm a...people pleaser."

"A people pleaser?"

"Yes, I'm in the business of…pleasing people." Castiel confirms hesitantly.

"Okay?" Dean says and it's almost in the form of a question.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing, you're just really nailing this mysterious personality thing." Dean smiles at him and Castiel smiles back unsurely.

"Okay Mr. Elusive. And your parents? What about them?"

Castiel pauses and it feels like someone has poked at an old wound he thought was finally healed. "Uhm dead."

Dean looks up at him and his face almost loses its color. "Shit, man. I am so sorry. I don't even-"

"It's fine, really. It's been a few years and you have to learn to live with the fact some time."

The silence from earlier comes back, although unwelcome, and both men struggle with a way to get back on track.

"I think it's safe to say things got pretty real, really fast. So here's what I'm thinking. For the sake of the rest of evening, what do you say we continue with a lighter conversation?" Dean laughs nervously.

Castiel nods pleasantly and takes another sip of his beer. He couldn't agree more.

"What's your favorite color?" Castiel asks simply.

xxx

As the evening progresses, Castiel has learned more about the other man. Dean's favorite color is green and Castiel cringes at the memory when he pathetically said, 'So you must really love your eyes then?' Luckily, Dean laughed along.

Dean loves his job, and his family. He has two four year old nieces named Olivia and Bailey, both of whom he loves to pieces. Dean's close with his younger brother and admits his suicide attempt only brought them closer. His favorite movie is Ghostbusters, he's seen it 23 times. For his eighth birthday he begged his father to take him to see AC/DC in concert, it was his first concert ever. Dean loves pie because of memories he has in the kitchen baking wit his mother as a child.

He graduated from Lawrence High, while Castiel attended Free State High. He was just three years ahead of Castiel and Castiel wonders what it would have been like if they'd went to the same school and their paths had crossed. But in that scenario, he probably wouldn't have gotten Elliot and he didn't want to think about that.

All in all, Castiel learns all these things and little bit more. He watches Dean and his mannerisms and the smile that he's grown fond of and his laugh. The man is mesmerizing in every way. Dean Winchester is nothing short of wonderful.

For all that Dean shares, Castiel does too. He steers away from the topic of his job but carries on the conversation best he can. He talks about his parents and how he named his son for his father. Castiel loves the color orange and even though he isn't superstitious, he firmly believes orange is his lucky color. His favorite pastime is reading and admits he needs to find more time to do so. He confesses that he too is close with his brother and he has the birth of his son to thank for that. Castiel has to explain to Dean that he's never seen Ghostbusters, which earns him a dramatic reaction of disbelief.

Before he knows it, the conversation becomes natural and they're laughing and Castiel is enjoying Dean's company.

"And then," Dean stifles through his laughter. "My dad takes one look at me and Sam, covered in soot from the fireplace, I mean head to toe, and he starts yelling at us 'what the hell are you kids doing?' And we don't even want to try to lie because we don't want to get in trouble and we just look at him and say, 'we wanted to see if we could fit in the chimney like Santa does.'" Dean and Castiel laugh hysterically, and try to quiet themselves when their hysterics earn them looks from other customers. "But anyway, he cleaned us up and took us out for ice cream. We had a good laugh about it though." He shrugs and picks at the last piece of dessert on his plate.

"So it's safe to say you're the curious type?" Castiel teases.

"I guess you could say that."

They leave the restaurant and Castiel feels full but on more than just food. He's happy and he can't stop smiling. He honestly can't remember when he last felt so upbeat. They return to Dean's impala and situate themselves in the seats and suddenly Castiel thinks out loud.

"Dean, was this a date?"

Dean smiles and chuckles slightly, biting his lip. "I don't know Cas. What does it feel like?" Dean asks him and it's not sarcastic, it's almost as if he doesn't know himself.

"I really hope so," Castiel answers honestly. Dean licks his lips and turns the key in the ignition.

xxx

They drove back in silence but it's anything but awkward. It was comfortable and Castiel felt warm and settled in the situation.

"I had a really great time," Dean says as they approach Castiel's apartment.

"Me too." Castiel smiles.

Dean steps closer, closing in the space between them. Dean smells good, it's a gentle aroma, faint, yet pungent and noticeably sweet. Castiel leans into his warmth and now they're breathing the same air. Their lips are barely meeting and Castiel feels like his knees will give out from under him if he doesn't kiss Dean. Dean licks his lips and in the process his tongue grazes Castiel's, making his breath hitch.

Castiel presses their lips together after that. Dean lets out a moan and Castiel feels him smile into the kiss. He moans into the sensation and brings his hand to Dean's neck as Dean's tongue slowly explores his mouth. It's good and exceeds everything Castiel was hoping for. He wants to lose himself in this forever.

Eventually they break the kiss, smiling and their eyes searching over one another's faces.

"So. _Definitely _a date then?" Dean asks.

"Well, generally, I don't go around kissing my friends that way."

Dean and Castiel huff a laugh between them. Dean plants one brief kiss on Castiel's lips before backing away to his apartment.

"I'll call you." Dean affirms.

When Castiel enters his home, he does so gracefully but he's unprepared for Gabriel to be standing there.

"Gabe?" He says as he slips out of his coat. "What are you doing?"

"Does he love me? I want to know. How can I tell if he loves me so?" Gabriel continues singing even with Castiel's look of confusion. "Oh no, you'll be deceived. Oh no he'll make believe. If you wanna know if he love you so, it's in his kiss!" Gabriel sings in a loud whisper forming his hand as a microphone and carries on. "Oh oh oh kiss him and squeeze him tight!" On any other night, Castiel would be annoyed with Gabriel's antics, but he's too happy to be bothered by anything. He cracks a smile and Gabriel catches sight of this and sings more lyrics while smiling as well.

"I'm going to bed." Castiel says with a laugh as he stalks off to his bedroom.

"Cas, my love can I kiss you? Oh yes darling I've been waiting all night for you to ask!" Gabriel calls out to him. And all Castiel can hear behind him is Gabriel mimicking the obscene sounds of kissing.

He stops dead in his tracks and turns around. "You wake my son up and you're dead." Castiel says sternly and Gabriel just makes the noises a little quieter.

"Goodnight Gabe." Castiel smiles and retreats to his bedroom.

**End **

**A/N: **Hey guys! I feel like this took a really long time. I've been struggling with a lot of issues lately and I didn't have the energy to write. But randomly at like 3 in the morning I started writing. Anyhow, thanks to my beta. This makes sense because of her! Also, ff was being kind of difficult when I was posting this so if anything ever goes weird, you can always head over to my livejournal jstbecause. Enough of my rambles, on with the next part :) Leave a comment and tell me what you think. Enjoy!


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